Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
