Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
