Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
