so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
