Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
