if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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