Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
