and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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