This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
