So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
