doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
