You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
