I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
