I'm going to jail i love you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
