I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
