Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
