Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
