One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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