I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
