why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
