She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
