I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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