Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
