Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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