hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
