I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
