Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
