I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Are my feet made of real feet?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
