I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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