my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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