Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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