I feel like abortions should bother me more
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
