I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
