So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
