I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
