Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
