Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
