I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
