Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
