Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
