I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
