Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
