I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
