remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
