Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
