can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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