Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
