Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
