and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
