i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
